RAD(I)CAL

2008-12-20T19:07:00.000-08:00

I'm restarting this blog with a RAD(I)CAL Camp post because I think its time to realign what I say and what I do to God (:

RAD(I)CAL Camp passed by really fast, but it was also the one camp that has impacted me most. Before camp I came in thinking that this is going to be just a usual youth camp, nothing special, nothing worth a lot, probably God heard it and proved me wrong. At a point where I was about to give up everything, thinking that I'm more or less of no worth anymore, everything changed in this camp, EVERYTHING changed.

Although the games were fun, I think what impacted me most was the services and workshops, things that I possibly struggle alot about. Pastor Dominic was preaching for the night services and in this camp I learnt to worship in a whole new dimension, how to hunger more for God's presence and even hearing God's voice, I've never cried so much at the altars before!

Even in the first service, I could feel God's presence so near, somehow his voice was really gentle. I'm sure everyone felt it too, my it was really a great feeling, to be feel treasured by God. Many times it seemed like I tried so hard to please Man, to do all sorts of things to be seen or heard, recognized, and all it ended with was painful experience. I was so bothered by it that I couldn't even worship properly, everything was just a facade. Now to realize that we are all precious to God, wow its such an amazing feeling. There is no need anymore to go all out to please, there is not even a need to prove your worth, all you need to do is to let God love you.

Then came the most scariest thing in my entire life (for now) when P.Gary called for full-time, i heard God asking if I would go, if he were to asked "whom shall I send?", will I take this step of faith. I was dead scared, so afraid that I couldn't move for about five seconds. Then He reminded me of a promise he had given me a long long time ago, something which I had chosen to believe that it will not come true. Throughout the years he's been asking, and I've been rejecting, thinking that I'm not good enough, there is no way God will choose such a screwed up kid to go into full-time for him. This happened for about 3, 4 years and even till now, I thought to myself, cannot be, am I hearing things? But God is a persistent God, what he reminded me was the vision of Isaiah's commission I saw in sec 1, and I heard him say again, "whom shall I send?" The only answer I could answer then was, "Lord send me, if its what you want, send me, but be with me because I'm afraid, be with me because i'm not good enough"

Phew..this is probably the most real writing i've done..

It took a little one to remind me of what God had done for me way back in pri 6. Before I camp for my own first youth camp, I was a total brat, I always fought in school, with taekwondo training it was definitely an advantage. I hated coming to church, and every sunday my parent would have to literally drag me to church. I'd always be at the back playing a fool, not caring about the sermon or the worship. My favorite book of the Bible is Revelations, coz its all about monsters and blood and gore at that time (which boy wouldn't be excited about fire raining down from heaven). But my whole life was turned around in my first youth camp. I was telling Joel, a pri 6 in my group about how God showed me a highway and I had to walk across. Suddenly he thought that it was familiar, sort of like the bridge diagram for guiding people to salvation. You could imagine what went through my mind next, I was like "Oh, so that was it, okay thank you God"

Never underestimate how the youngest christian can be used by God to bring wisdom to even the most read scholars..

"Even when no one believes in me, even when no one in the world sees me, I know you do Lord. You always do"

Bigger Things Than I

RAD(I)CAL